Chapter 1 : The day you became a stranger
It's Monday, I'm waking up with my bones aching and it's raining like the sky fell on us.
That's what I know with the first glimpse. With the second one I realize I'll be late for my first schoolday and before I can go to sleep again I jump out of my warm comfortable bed.
Of course my parents didn't wake me up, because they're divorced and my mom works a fulltime job, which doesn't give her enough time for trivial matters like this.
That's why I slowly come to my still sleepy mind and get my clothes ready to quickly enter the bathroom.
After I get used to the bright light I remember the To Do List I glued to the mirror once.
- Get better marks
- Get better mooded
- Befriend with people!
- Fall in love succesfully!!!
Concerning the last point I'm determined. After wasting ten years with chasing my ex best friend Castiel I've learned one thing: You will never want to end your feelings and dreams but it will hurt a lot more to come alive again after you've been broken by the pain.
Fast as lightning I get ready, pack my things and hurry to school. A new school also means a new life, a new me, new friends and a new area. I can be who I want to be and start all over again.
Long ago... I would have never worn make-up. Just today. Because I can finally be the one I always wanted to be, even if I'm not.
Well.. I'm Hikari, 16 years old, just exchanged schools to the Sweet Amoris gymnasium and got into the 10th grade, was in love only one time. Unhappy unrequited love.
The buildings and streets I pass seem to whisper in my ear I'm late and what bad things will await me and I'm feeling like I need endlessly for every step I take. Because when I enter the school and all the floors are empty I know that I really needed endless time. Already half of the first lesson is over.
As I steal into the secretary and two women with the same glasses welcome me I try my best not to act like I'm super late. They tell me to wait for the principal, a short pink-wearing lady. She looks a little like my grandmother with her young smile that doesn't seem old at all.
As I steal into the secretary and two women with the same glasses welcome me I try my best not to act like I'm super late. They tell me to wait for the principal, a short pink-wearing lady. She looks a little like my grandmother with her young smile that doesn't seem old at all.
"I'm the principal, but you must have known that already. Good morning, ...Hyuuga Hikari, am I right?" Her voice is really high and matching to the whole picture.
I answer with my head bright ride and hope she doesn't know the time. "Right. Hyuuga Hikari, 'morning."
"I had just hoped I would meet you without having to wait for you.. However, please follow me, would you?"
With a bow I follow the principal through a few floors, every single one nearly the same. She seems to guide me in the new school, before that she tells me my new timetable. Then she leaves me alone.
And...as I stand in front of the classdoor, I'm scared. Hell of a lot scared. What if they think I'm a total snob? A freak whose only good moments in life are math and german lessons?
But I remember. That's whom I WAS. Now I'm looking awesome good, my face strangely covered with make-up looks like its made from a professional , my hair is combed and tidy, and I smell like a flower.
I can't be the one I was long ago. This me is dead already.
The thought gives me the confidence I need to open the door and start a new life. The teacher looks awfully shocked and seemingly twenty-three faces stare at me with big eyes. Some of the girl check if I'm "dangerous", one guy in the first seat gives off a feeling as if he has fallen for me right at the moment.
Then everythign happens at highspeed. I introduce myself and the teacher, Mr. Faraize, tells me to go to my seat, of course in the last row. Of course. But, again, I'm not scared anymore. Because they can't see ME. Just my mask and my mask is perfect.
So I make a move. At least I thought I would. Til I get pushed down after falling over a stretched foot and feel a heavy pain in my knee. It hurts more than it should. I was always weak, years ago, now, I always will be.
I just look up into two alarming eyes.
I answer with my head bright ride and hope she doesn't know the time. "Right. Hyuuga Hikari, 'morning."
"I had just hoped I would meet you without having to wait for you.. However, please follow me, would you?"
With a bow I follow the principal through a few floors, every single one nearly the same. She seems to guide me in the new school, before that she tells me my new timetable. Then she leaves me alone.
And...as I stand in front of the classdoor, I'm scared. Hell of a lot scared. What if they think I'm a total snob? A freak whose only good moments in life are math and german lessons?
But I remember. That's whom I WAS. Now I'm looking awesome good, my face strangely covered with make-up looks like its made from a professional , my hair is combed and tidy, and I smell like a flower.
I can't be the one I was long ago. This me is dead already.
The thought gives me the confidence I need to open the door and start a new life. The teacher looks awfully shocked and seemingly twenty-three faces stare at me with big eyes. Some of the girl check if I'm "dangerous", one guy in the first seat gives off a feeling as if he has fallen for me right at the moment.
Then everythign happens at highspeed. I introduce myself and the teacher, Mr. Faraize, tells me to go to my seat, of course in the last row. Of course. But, again, I'm not scared anymore. Because they can't see ME. Just my mask and my mask is perfect.
So I make a move. At least I thought I would. Til I get pushed down after falling over a stretched foot and feel a heavy pain in my knee. It hurts more than it should. I was always weak, years ago, now, I always will be.
I just look up into two alarming eyes.
"Hu-...What a mess! I'm sorry, my body wasn't under my control! You know, I'm very sensitive there. Whenever I see a walking freakshow, I can't do anything else! I just have the desire to push him on the ground and tear him to pieces til he will cry in my sleeps because of it."
Curly, blonde hair. Earrings. A simple beauty. That's all I realize before tears take my eyesight and I begin to cry like a four-years-old. I don't know about the classroom or the people in it now. There's just room for me and the pain- the pain and me.
But then there's....a familiar face. Green, no, poisongreen eyes. Hands, a light pressure on my shoulders and I feel a vibration. Those are the same hands that fed the little puppy years ago. But that can't be true.
My Castiel is blackhaired. Not redhaired. He doesn't wear headphones around his neck. He wears a brown leatherjacket and those black shirts of him that he adores. Clothes that make him as invisible as possible. That's not MY Castiel.
But do I have the right to say that, with me also not being HIS Hikari?
The shock pulls me out of my numbness and there's Castiels warm voice welcoming me.
"Hikari, everything alright? Hikari? Well, you'll be alright. The nurses have bandages an' all...coolpads..and...you can lay down a little, yes? Or we'll go outside?"
I'm not answering.
I just stare at him, til he turns to the blonde girl with a worry line crossing his forehead. He screams at her. How small I am. How breakable, how weak. It's unbearable. But he's right- and maybe that's the unbearable part about it.
No matter how many times I get over my old me, it keeps coming back like a boomerang. My shadow, glued to my shoe soles.
"I'm old enough, I can talk for myself, Castiel", I state the obvious and get up. My leg hurts like hell and he seemed to know it, besides not saying anything anymore.
Graceful I limp to my seat and lean my forehead on the cold table until the pain would fade. It stays.
It stays til the bell ring ends the lesson and I'm the first to get out of this prison.
Curly, blonde hair. Earrings. A simple beauty. That's all I realize before tears take my eyesight and I begin to cry like a four-years-old. I don't know about the classroom or the people in it now. There's just room for me and the pain- the pain and me.
But then there's....a familiar face. Green, no, poisongreen eyes. Hands, a light pressure on my shoulders and I feel a vibration. Those are the same hands that fed the little puppy years ago. But that can't be true.
My Castiel is blackhaired. Not redhaired. He doesn't wear headphones around his neck. He wears a brown leatherjacket and those black shirts of him that he adores. Clothes that make him as invisible as possible. That's not MY Castiel.
But do I have the right to say that, with me also not being HIS Hikari?
The shock pulls me out of my numbness and there's Castiels warm voice welcoming me.
"Hikari, everything alright? Hikari? Well, you'll be alright. The nurses have bandages an' all...coolpads..and...you can lay down a little, yes? Or we'll go outside?"
I'm not answering.
I just stare at him, til he turns to the blonde girl with a worry line crossing his forehead. He screams at her. How small I am. How breakable, how weak. It's unbearable. But he's right- and maybe that's the unbearable part about it.
No matter how many times I get over my old me, it keeps coming back like a boomerang. My shadow, glued to my shoe soles.
"I'm old enough, I can talk for myself, Castiel", I state the obvious and get up. My leg hurts like hell and he seemed to know it, besides not saying anything anymore.
Graceful I limp to my seat and lean my forehead on the cold table until the pain would fade. It stays.
It stays til the bell ring ends the lesson and I'm the first to get out of this prison.
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