Whisper Of Our Hearts [CHAPTER 4: While One Is Burning--]

Leigh was left dumbfounded.
At the same time he wanted to smash his head against something hard, he also wanted to sigh from all the relief. He didn't really know where to put these feelings. And while he laughed- exhausted, crazed- he also felt tears well up in his eyes that he could barely hold back.
The next thing the older one knew was that he dialed a number he knew all too well and set one foot after another to close the shop, knowing that it would probably take some time for another customer to come, rushing out, his cell phone pressed to his ear tightly.

---

I wandered through the city without having a real goal. Sometimes my feet would cuddle and I would nearly stumble, but I didn't dare to look up. To look at all where I was going.
I only knew that somehow I had ended up in a place that Castiel had told me about.
'That's her address', he had said, chuckling, before the situation had escalated.
So what was I doing in front of her room, all drenched up from the downpour that was still lasting hours? Why did I knock at the door of her chamber inside this hotel? Probably because somewhere inside, my heart searched confort and knew she could give it to me.
And like that, five seconds later Kelly opened, looking more than surprised that I was standing before her.
First she gave me a michievous look. "You've come to apologize for that replacement you sent to me?", she started, not even caring that I was soaked to the bone. Every inch of my body was shaking uncontrollably due to the coldness and my ears didn't seem to be able to listen to Kelly's blabbling.
"It's too late for that now! Do you even know how anxious I was! It was so embarassing to introduce him to my friends. Do you even care? Now I'm officially dating a redhead. Really great. You know, I used to think celebrities were a little nicer at least", she pouted. "Well, thanks for proving me wrong, Lysander! Lysander?! You could at least listen, you know?"
As hard as my body was shaking, my heart was stuttering in my ripcage right now. This sucked.
"Lysander! I'll just close the door again if you don't answer, damn it!"
And I did answer. With one fluid movement, I grabbed Kelly by her neck and kissed her, longing to get more.
It was so different, especially since I only had Leigh's kiss that I could compare it to. A guy's. Leigh was always the first to put on a wager, by biting on my underlip, slipping in his tongue, always deepening the kiss all by himself. And now that I had to do all these things it was considerably difficult.
I didn't give the girl time to catch her breath, instead she adapted to me by breathing through her nose, panicking. All the while she tried to get me off her, but I just shoved her backwards inside her room, and on the bed that was practically standing in the entrance of the chamber.
After another twenty seconds Kelly finally stopped her struggling, but instead became like a puppet in my arms.
As she lay in the pillows, the brunette looked up to me and had a nearly sad smile on her petite lips. "You're always like this", she said, "at least when you're with me. One second you're like this. Then you wander off. You're sweet and kind. And then you push me into the sheets like an animal."
I couldn't do anything but stare at her, knowing that she was completely right. But my body still wasn't willing to stop, besides not being in the mood for doing this at all. It was just the ache inside of me that I wanted to shut up, and surprisingly Kelly's mouth had been a great help. And now I wanted this empty feeling to vanish, what made me wonder if it would do any good if I would carry on with this.
I felt a gentle hand stroke on my cheek. It was the one that Leigh had slapped and I unknowingly shrugged.
"I don't mind. Do whatever you want. I know that you don't even like me anyway, I'm not stupid. But if you want to be accepted, I'll accept everything of you, Lysander."
Too big. The number of times I would have to kiss her to make this feeling vanish was way too big. Just when I realized it, Kelly leaned in for a kiss by herself, her lips brushing softly against mine.
That was when tears started growing flowers on her bed.
Kelly sighed. And inside me, something sighed too.
"I knew you couldn't do it. You're that nice after all, Lysander. You already love someone else, right? No one would come to a stranger to sleep with him looking like that, if a broken heart wasn't the cause." She sat right up and carefully took off my wet coat.
"You don't deserve it, but you should at least dry up", the girl explained and I nodded ever so quietly.
Then she wiped the tears off my face. "With dry up I also mean your cheeks, stupid", she said.
After a while I was able to speak again, so we sat on the bad like this; looking at each other, legs crossed, my wet coat drying in her bathroom.
"So tell me. You're heartboken, right?"
First I hesitated, but he urge to tell someone how I felt was bigger. A little afraid how Kelly would react, I began by giving her the gist of my situation. "You see... I'm in love with someone I shouldn't be in love with- we have always been close, but lately we've come even...closer. It was all good until I fell in love. And I told that person today. As you can see, it didn't end so well."
Kelly only raised an eyebrow. "Say... being in love with someone you shouldn't... how to say it... is it the gender...or an age gap? Those are trivial things you know...if you were as close as you said..."
"It's kinda...both", I quickly explained before Kelly got the wildest ideas. "I mean... it's a.. man. And he's about five years older than me."
"As I said. If you were as close as you said and now you're even closer...shouldn't that be enough for you? Isn't that proof enough for you that he loves you? I-I mean I'm a little shocked that you're in love with a man. But things like gender...and those five years, they're no big deal in a relationship. You'll only have to accept yourself."
Yeah, right. Just that the most important detail was the big deal. Leigh was my brother. What we did was a crime. In fact, I would always live with Leigh and hide our relationship all day long to have him by the nighttime, if it was for that. But my brother didn't even see me in that way. For him I was probably only some kind of... adventure. After all, he hadn't broke up with Rosalia. He was just on a break.
"Yeah. Thanks, Kelly", I said, and surprisingly meant it.
The girl smiled cheekily. "That's the first time you addressed me as Kelly. 'Miss' really doesn't suit me, don't you think? Just be like this, Lysander, it'll turn good."
I wanted to believe in her words so badly.
When I left the hotel ten minutes later it was still raining. This was awful.
Taking shelter from that damned pouring rain I hid under the trees in the near park. After all I didn't bring an umbrella with me, and it seemed I had left my cat at Kelly's place too. I doubted I would ever see her again.
Exhaustedly I slid down the trunk and closed my eyes.

---

"What is it, Leigh?", his girlfriend asked, sounding a little sleepy.
"Sorry to have woken you up, it's already dark after all. I just- I need to talk to you about something very important, so... can we please meet up tomorrow?"
"You sound stiff", she realized, "what's wrong?"
Leigh shifted awkwardly. He'd been running around the town for hours now, and finally connected with his girlfriend. But he couldn't talk about it NOW, whiel searching for his brother. If only tomorrow--
"Sorry, I-" His voice rapidly broke off as the noirette spotted Lysander between the trees. A big weight fell from his heart and he felt relieved to know the younger was safe and sound. "I really don't have time right now. I- I'll call you tomorrow morning." Because he was sure that he and Lysander would have to talk about a lot tonight.
"Lys!", Leigh called out when he had nearly reached him. Lysander was sitting on the ground, leaning om a tree with closed eyes, his breathing constant and peacefully. He had fallen asleep. The older brother pressed his lips together. He really didn't want to wake Lysander up, but they had to clear up their mess right now.
So he shook the shoulders of his brothers, first lightly, but with more strenght after.
The white-haired groaned, before awaking with a sudden movement, surprise in his eyes. "L-Leigh! What are you doing here?"
Leigh rolled his eyes impatiently. "See, we can talk about that later. Just- good lord, where is your coat?!"
Lysander mumbled some quiet curses, but his brother had heard them clearly. 'It's still with Kelly.'
The noirette froze. So- Lys had been with a girl these past hours? His heart began to beat faster, but it were angered pounds. Had Lysander really gone that far with that girl?
Annoyed he grabbed the younger by the collarof his shirt and kissed him. This kiss was nothing like the others. It wasn't gentle, soft or gave hint that they were enjoying the pleasure in it. Instead it was rough and heated and Leigh just wanted to feel Lysander, feel if he'd really betray him like that.
But faster than Leigh could react, Lys freed himself and glared up to him. "Could you stop raising my goddamn hopes?", he shouted, cheeks flushed.
The older still had his fingers grab the white fabric of his younger brother's shirt tightly. Something inside him knew that, if he'd let go now, Lysander would be gone.
"You're always doing what you want!", Lysander continued to scream at him, "I've had it being your little toy! Can't you go back to your girlfriend? If you don't even want me the way I want you then please do me a favor and fucking leave me al-"
"I love you!", Leigh yelled. "So listen to me! Because I love you!"
Lysander's eyes widened, widened until he nearly had tears in his eyes, because he didn't dare to blink, scared that the words his brother had just said would be undone if he did so. But when he just had to blink, Leigh was still dare, looking down on him with his fists clenched, his stare wild and desperate.
"And when I said this thing back then when I kissed you the first time, I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean 'And if you liked it, then you probably are from the other sort'. I meant that... If you liked it, there's probably...", Leigh's voice cracked, and he loosened his grip around Lysander just to strenghten it again. He had no intention of giving the younger's stuttering heart a break. "...there's probably something wrong with the both of us."
And with those words finally said, Lysander also wrapped his arms around Leigh's neck, calling him an idiot time and time again.
And when the sky darkened and the day faded into the night, the word 'idiot' slowly turned into the older brother's name.
Leigh. Leigh. Leigh. Leigh. You idiot. Leigh. Chanting, like a curse.

TBC.