You see;

You see, love, I really want to be gone.
I don't want to kill myself, I don't want to cut.
I just want to vanish and be elsewhere without any pain.

sometimes, I lean back and the tears just flow right out of my eyes, without me blinking, without having even a single sad thought.

sometimes, I smile and then I think I'm happy and then the day is over and my muscles just hurt from laughing. It just hurts and it's a pain I can't get used to. Because for me, smiling is unnatural.
I'm a person that smiles, laughs a lot.
I always have been, ever since I was a kid-
But I've become tired of faking.
That's why I spend 20 hours per day on the internet, where I can post smileys that indicate me laughing without having to give any physical proof.
I should probably stop already.
If only we had a bathtub. I would have drowned myself ages ago.
But no, we only have a shower.
Is there another way to get a painless death?
I want to be gone.