Feelings Wiped On My Desk. | Vent Thingy ♥

Feelings Wiped On My Desk.

I started thinking slowly.
About mails, the need of the tight grip around my cellphone. About smiles I thought were directed at me.
Strangely, about above all of that, I thought about math homework. Also about the exact number of minutes I'd spend these next nights completing my homework for once, since I knew you'd ask me if you could copy them from me. You never do your homework these days, do you?
So that's when I started thinking.
And that maybe sometimes humans just aren't supposed to have their imagination run out of control.
I started thinking.
About English, about marks, about the things you'd say about me behind my back.
And then I fell deeply. And then today I fell completely.
Because of the heart on my desk that didn't exist anymore. So you drew a new one on my desk for me. Oh, it looks so so crappy. So so lovely. And I just thought there might have been something to you drawing a heart on me. Right on my thin skin. Didn't you know I'd feel it all over rigth away with this thin thin skin?
So I was flying home that day, your smile burned in my mind. Thinking there might be something to you knowing me so well. You smiled at me. "You're gonna write a message to your mom? About your good mark?" I smiled at you. Guessed right, didn't you? But look at you smiling so brightly yourself with your mark. Didn't you do well? I'm sure you're so proud of yourself too.
If not, I'll be the one to be proud of you.
Then, somehow, I stopped falling.
Ah- it was
because
you said this smile wasn't directed at me.
I thought there might have been something to you telling me you're in love with someone.
Never did I think your gaze might not be directed at me, but at the person right next to me. Right next to me. Just parted by ten mere centimeters, she's not glancing at you at all.
I am.
But since you didn't look at me, you didn't notice.
I, on the other hand, did never think about that.
"But- she broke up with you, right?", I asked. And you smiled, I could feel it through the black letters of your message. Yea. You are willing to change. Not for me. Never for me.
Just for the heart ten centimeters to my right.
Oh, wasn't it a short and sweet time. Oh, and so hurtful?
I know now that for sure you'd asked more about me if you'd gazed at me. I said I'd go offline since I was still meeting up with someone. At 10 o'clock at night. You just said your goodbyes. You really- don't care whom I'm meeting at this hour?
Oh, you know, I might start to get stupid ideas again if I see that I have to do more in order to get you to look at me. I'll definitely think about. I'm thinking about it.
Today I started thinking about it.
I started thinking that, if your gaze 10 centimeters to my right will ever be returned, I'll have to wipe all my feelings off my desk. Where do I sit and where do I scream from?
There's just no more room in my head to think about that.
Since it's all filled with you. Only you.
Wiping feelings on my desk so easily.
Goodbye.
And please, for the next ten minutes, don't hide in my thoughts.
Goodbye.
For real, I'll go.
Goodbye.
I'll see you tomorrow then, yeah?